Dynamics For Post-Divorce Women in Indiana
Women historically have tended to divorce not because it will be better, but because they don’t have the willpower anymore to continue the current marriage. However, ladies with prudent intellects, who can foresee the development of events, are increasingly getting divorces in Indiana.
Women are divorcing and fighting for their freedom. The notion of a “free woman” exists in Indiana – a woman without a man. Often it doesn’t occur to anyone that a woman can, in principle, be free and married.
It’s true that in a divorce, the woman is often escaping not just from her husband, but from the institution of marriage itself – from the need to fear her husband. She frees herself from family pressure. But at the same time, female divorces of this nature are atypical. Women, alas, all too often adapt to the unfair conditions of family life. They do not leave toxic husbands because they fear unmarried life.
Women, even in the saddest of situations, tend to initiate divorces when the case is already at its breaking point. The woman does not do this because she is a brawler by nature (it bears repeating, of course, that all people are different and one description does not fit all)). But in general, Indiana women have at least three reasons to put off getting a divorce. Put it off until, as they say, there is nowhere else to go.
1. It is common for women to hope that “maybe things will resolve themselves.”
There’s a famous saying: “This too shall pass”. This is how many women view family relationships. Sometimes, things get way out of control in the family, and there is no turning back. All signs point to divorce. And yet, she holds out hope that her husband will fix himself, stop drinking, stop treating her indifferently or cruelly, etc. But often nothing changes. Time goes on, and the situation reaches a boiling point.
2. People in Indiana still judge a woman not by who she is, but by whose wife she is (with rare exceptions).
And this applies whether or not she is married. Affiliation with a husband is thus a source of social currency, with significant social costs to pay for giving it up.
3. Material dependence
Fun fact: husbands with wives who depend on them financially almost invariably initiated this relationship. Yes, there are cases where the husband and wife work separately. Sometimes they work together, but have separate salaries. Sometimes the wife works at home for her husband as a translator, secretary, or even a driver. But most often, families form when the wife, at the insistence of her husband, quits her job and goes home. The exchange has an odd simplicity to it – life for money.
Theoretically, this marital set-up is not wrong. But in practice, fissures can appear. The husband, believing that his wife will not go anywhere, assumes the role of king in the family, and then dictator and then tyrant. He begins to dictate unfair conditions to his wife, and often humiliates her. For example, the wife is forced to ask her husband for money to pay for the most personal of feminine needs.
Generally speaking, this approach has a deeper cause. The overwhelming majority of men who insist that a wife not have an independent source of funds are not guided (consciously or unconsciously) by the benefits of this scenario or even their everyday comfort. Rather, they bind their wife to themselves in this way so that there is a guarantee that she will not stray from him. In medieval times, lords took passports from their serfs so that they wouldn’t run away (and for the record, some husbands take passports away but thank goodness this is a rarity). The men who can no longer keep a woman near them resort to this method. Not understanding, not love, not tenderness, but financial dependence.
Men of this nature would probably benefit from building self-esteem, but instead opt for a simpler fix, at the expense of the wife.
A woman does not “leave” this kind of husband but rather runs away. And what next? Immediately following the divorce, she doesn’t feel depressed. Instead, she feels joyful and relieved – though perhaps unconsciously. One newly-wedded lady told us her story. She suffered for a long time with her husband, and then decided to divorce. When she got divorced, everyone started to feel sorry for her. But she herself displays relief and joy visibly, and cannot in any way understand why everyone feels sorry for her.
Unlike men, women no longer seek to create an official family. But since they need more protection, patronage, and the same material means, they are often find themselves attached to some married man. The lover (as a rule) will give her everything she needs: sex, moral and material support, security, and if he has children, she will become their friend. And when they ask her “Why he doesn’t marry you?” she will not answer “I don’t want to” but rather “he is married.” Here everyone will say “Oh…” and the conversation will peter out.
The lover will be a friend to her children, but should they break up, he will not claim them and will not have any rights to them.
If a lady, so frightened by the prospect of an official relationship, decides not to “mess with” another family and chooses an unmarried friend (sometimes also divorced), she may fall into a well-known trap. The man (who has become quite fond of the woman) brings up the subject of marriage, or just by chance, as it happens, the conversation goes there. And the lady says: “No”! and the man no longer proposes.
But she did not refuse outright; what she wanted to say was probably “not yet.” She says I’ll try to live with you, and maybe I’ll like it. When she loves it, the uncertainty of the relationship will confuse her, and she will begin to wait for a new offer. As a rule, it will not follow. Men seldom call the registry office two times for the same woman, especially if she refused the first time. In reality, it was just necessary to explain everything openly (as in the case of a divorced man) – that she is not against marriage, but just wants to wait for a little.
In general, a post-divorce woman feels more comfortable than a man, and she quickly gets back on her feet. Women tend not to categorically tear up their old connections after marriage. Her friends typically remain, and she communicates more actively with her parents. Her strength lies in weakness, or rather, in that she is allowed to ask for help from her friends or parents after the divorce. She can return to her parents’ home. And she’s given space to cry through her difficult post-divorce life, whereas men will typically be called wimps for this.
Naturally, after a divorce, a woman’s life will change – but only for the better. You are now the mistress of your life, you no longer need to take care of anyone, wash your clothes and get tired after work. You do not need to balance five tasks while also cooking dinner – for which you might get nothing more than a cursory “mm”. Of course, in life there are different situations and, indeed, you can be left without financial support or a father for your child.
But the main thing you need to learn is to see the upside of any situation.
Psychologists say: “A lucky person sees an opportunity in any situation, and a loser sees a problem in any situation.” So, become a lucky person after a divorce, as you won’t have to deal with both problems that exist and problems that you are creating. Just the ones that exist.
You can also apply for psychological support in Indiana if you have feel the need to do so. Professionals will help you deal with your problems.